THE SINGLE LADIES AND TEENS
The Godly Girl’s Guide to Guys
Katie McCoy, GirlsGoneWise.com
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
“Every girl has to kiss a few frogs before she meets her prince, right?” With as many opinions on dating as there are variations on ice cream, we probably all need to have a DTR (Define the Relationship) on the topic. For some it’s a social convention and for others it’s something to “kiss goodbye.” So what’s a godly girl to do? Should we forgo filling our Friday nights? Or has God given us guidelines for dating relationships that can keep us somewhere between living in heartbreak and living in a convent? While the Bible doesn’t speak directly to dating, it has a lot to say about purity, guarding your heart and trusting God with your future. Setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries can be the difference between a break up and a break down!
Don’t Ditch the Girls: Keeping trusted friends in the loop lets others keep you accountable and gives you a clear-headed perspective from people that aren’t seeing him through rose-colored glasses. Your friends will often care enough to say what is in your best interest, even if it’s not necessarily what you want to hear. Prov. 27:6 says that the wounds from a friend are faithful while the kisses from an enemy are deceptive. Allow the godly friends in your life to hold you accountable.
Avoid Being Alone: Being alone in a house, apartment, or dorm room is usually unwise. Situations where there’s no chance that a roommate could walk by, where your time is unaccounted for and where you are alone behind closed doors sets you up for future temptation. Even if there’s nothing inappropriate happening, ask yourself, “Does this help me walk in purity?” Plus, you’re probably building a level of intimacy that doesn’t match where the relationship actually is, or “playing house.” Where emotional boundaries are unguarded, physical boundaries are more easily blurred. Romans 13:14 commands us to “make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”
Mind the Time: Spending too much time together and settling into the pattern of being a couple is one of the quickest ways to train wreck a potentially good relationship. You and I also have to guard the “movie screen” of our inner world – if you’re thinking and talking about him with an intensity that doesn’t match the stage of the relationship, you’re more likely to act on your emotions and not the facts. Proverbs 19:2 says, “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” Guard your time and thoughts against moving too fast too soon.
“Be Careful Little Lips…” What you talk about has the potential to build an emotional connection too quickly. We girls are naturally relational – when we talk, we bond. As author Ben Young explains in the book The Ten Commandments of Dating, “There is a time to be open and vulnerable but it’s not when you are just getting to know someone.” Proverbs 17:27 says “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.” If you’re in a relationship, avoid discussing your future as a couple until God reveals His plan for you both. Side note: Praying together as a couple early on can seriously escalate a relationship. Spiritual connection intensifies the level of bonding you feel, sometimes even more than physical affection. Unless you’re moving toward marriage, stick to praying in groups or with another girl.
Read the signs: Between the starry eyes and the butterflies, you may be tempted to ignore some negative character patterns. Does he show self-control over his temper? Prov. 22:24 tells us not to be friends with a man given to anger. Does he isolate you from your family and friends and compromise your boundaries or does he protect your reputation? Prov. 22:1 says that a good name is even more valuable than money. Don’t ignore the red flags!
Proceed with Caution: Like my mom told me, “There are only so many progressions that a relationship can take. The faster you begin them, the faster you progress.” The longer you can delay even innocent PDA, the more you can build a secure friendship based on what really matters in a relationship…and not what makes you weak in the knees! Set clear physical boundaries that are specific to your relationship and what you both need to stay pure and above reproach. Ephesians 5:3 says, “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.” And 1 Corinthians 6:18 commands us to “flee immorality”. The challenge of pausing is much less difficult than the challenge of hitting the reverse button!
The most important principle for the Godly Girl’s Guide to Guys is to “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Prov. 4:23). Remember Whose you are – that you were bought with a price and are of incredible worth to Your Creator (I Cor. 6:20, 1 Peter 5:7). And there’s no need to kiss the frogs to find your prince – Your Prince of Peace has established your steps. (Prov. 16:9)
(c) 2010 Katie McCoy
The link to her website is here
.Establishing Healthy Boundaries (Part 1)
by Taffi Dollar
Establishing boundaries in our lives is not always easy, especially when there are so many things pulling us in different directions. Whether on the job or in our families, it is easy to try to become everything to everybody, and neglect ourselves in the process. I’ve discovered an important key to maintaining balance in life, and that is establishing boundaries. Whether single or married, boundary setting is a necessary part of life. Without it, we can become overrun with the needs of others, without taking care of our own.
While it is important to care for others and be women whom the people in our lives can rely on, we must also take into consideration that we cannot always be everything to everybody, all the time. Further, if we do not set boundaries around our lives, we run the risk of becoming burned out, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Many times, when we experience these types of emotions, it is nobody’s fault but our own. No one can make us do things we do not want to do.
Setting boundaries is not always easy, especially if you have allowed yourself to be the “go-to” person all the time. If this is the case, you may have to scale back the amount of time you allow others to occupy, even if it is for a good reason or cause. This can be especially true where church and work-related activities are concerned. We can easily become so wrapped up in helping and pleasing others that we become out of balance, as it relates to the time we spend doing for others, rather than taking time for ourselves.
One of the reasons people tend to have a hard time setting boundaries is because of people-pleasing. When pleasing others out of fear of disappointing them or making them upset is the motivation for why we do what we do, we will inevitably become frustrated and resentful. Understand that you cannot live a happy, healthy life when you are constantly worried about pleasing others and performing so you can be congratulated by someone else. Being a superwoman out of fear or low self-esteem is not beneficial either.
So, how can we set boundaries in our lives and feel okay with it? By first recognizing that setting boundaries is okay! There is nothing wrong with saying “no” to people. In fact, saying “no” could be one of the best things you can do to preserve your sanity and peace! People-pleasing is fear-based and will entangle you in a web of self-imposed bondage. You must know your limits and what you can and cannot commit to. If you are unsure about doing something for someone else, do not take it on.
Here are a few other things to consider:
Identify the areas in your life where you may need to set boundaries.
Recognize that setting boundaries is necessary. Take time for yourself, and do not allow outside activities and commitments to interfere with your family and personal time.
Pray about things before committing. Usually, we make decisions without discovering whether they are things we really need to do.
Take the pressure off yourself to perform and be all things to all people. Do what you can do, and desire to do, but do not try to do everything for fear of disappointing others.
Whether you are dealing with friends and loved ones who
Avoiding Improper Relationships
by Taffi Dollar
Friendships are meant to uplift and encourage us in life. However, we can fall prey to improper relationships, many times without even realizing it.
When we do realize that our relationships have taken a turn in the wrong direction, it is our responsibility to make the necessary adjustments. For example, some women may have friends, who are close to them, who they later realize may consider themselves to be more than just a good friend.
Oftentimes, women who have been subjected to abuse may find themselves susceptible to lesbian relationships because they have problems properly relating to the same or opposite sex. Some women may experiment with an alternative lifestyle, find they enjoy it, and decide to indulge in these types of relationships. Despite the reasons, we know that sexual immorality and perversion is not the way to go. Just because we may feel a certain way doesn’t mean it is the right way, or that those feelings should be acted upon. Being in homosexual or bi-sexual relationships causes confusion and a host of other problems that can be avoided. Therefore, we should examine our relationships and make sure they remain healthy and godly. Here are some indications that a friendship with a member of the same sex is out of context or inappropriate:
It begins during a personal crisis and quickly becomes intimate.
Other relationships lose their importance.
Other people in your life feel as if they have no value in your life. The new relationship is all-consuming but creates hurt and disappointments.
You begin spending extensive amounts of one-on-one time with this person.
All your plans become shaped by this person’s influence.
It is exclusive, secret, and private; when you bring others into it, it never works.
Emotional well-being depends on how the other person is doing.
You feel upset when separated from them or jealous when they are with others.
You find yourself communicating on their behalf.
You resist separation.
There is open rebellion; you challenge what you know in your heart to be right and wrong.
I know this is a subject that is not often discussed and of a delicate nature; however, my goal is to address the needs, concerns, and struggles of women from all walks of life. Opening the lines of communication and addressing even the hard issues, is necessary. Even if you are not involved in an intimate relationship with someone of the same sex, you may know someone who is. If so, be sure to avoid a judgmental attitude and, instead, embrace them with a loving heart. Here are a few tips that will help:
Communicate unconditional love and acceptance, even if you do not agree with their choices.
Do not reject them.
See them as God sees them.
Share from your life experiences.
Keep in mind, showing them they are wrong is not the goal; demonstrating God’s love is.
Trust that God is working in their life, bringing about healing and deliverance.
As women, we are relational beings, meaning we thrive when we have successful relationships. God has placed in us a desire to love, but we should not twist love into something out of context. We should never try to fill empty voids through unhealthy relationships with others. Doing so causes us to place unrealistic demands on them, and can lead us into compromise. Only God can heal our hearts and fill us with the love that makes us whole.
This week’s product offer, Boundaries, is the perfect addition to your library of faith resources. Learn the importance of setting boundaries in your life so you can stay on course toward your destiny!
The link to my Spiritual Mother is here click the star
The purple star is link to watch vidios from Creflo Dollar Ministries. My Spiritual Daddy.